The Silence of Our Friends

Martin Luther King Jr was quoted as saying, "We will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

With just as much wisdom, Mark Twain said, "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

Then I read this,
"The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words."

Which one do I follow faith in? Well the context of MLK's is out of boundaries for me - he's referring to what we do as global citizens when our silence and refusal to act is as much a betrayal as acting against. Whether in his day to end segregation and ensure civil rights for all, or in my day to turn a blind eye to the genocide occuring in Africa. Actually, it's a poetic way of saying "If you're not with us then you're against us."

The Mark Twain quote is again out of the context I'm looking for but can be extrapolated to be a guide for how much we should say when we are uncertain of what we are speaking. Speaking on assumption and all the rest of it.

The final quote is probably the most relevant to what I'm looking for. I'm not a person who does well in silent vacuums. I'm a natural communicator and it's how I relate to the world around me and the people in it. It's how I thrive, how I grow and often, how I heal. Which is why this blog is out here in the first place. It's my way of allowing someone to listen and it's remarkably healing.

I'm learning how to live with silence of friends, loved ones and even co-workers. I have learned that my own silence is also powerful, for myself and for the ones I don't want to hurt by an indulgent outburst.

But what is silence between two friends, two sisters, two lovers, two spouses, a father and a daughter? It's contextual and changes its meaning as lives move and change. It's all those quotes, isn't it? Silence can be crueler than a betrayal. Silence can prevent foolish and hurtful words. Silence can heal.

I can learn from all those, from my own silence to allowing others to be silent.