Time To Say Goodbye

It's been a long time since I have updated my blog. I think about it all the time but never do. I think the reason is this blog has been so intimate to a life I no longer have. It's the blog of a person that doesn't exist anymore.

As anyone reading this knows, I have had a few surgeries for cancer. While I focused these months on the recovery and logistics of recovery from the axe to the stomach I've taken, I only recently have experienced the true emotional weight of the impact cancer has had on me in every aspect of who I am.

So - I am going to say goodbye to this blog. I will start a new one - possibly very soon - that will help me vent and share the journey I've been on the the last four months. My life has indelibly changed and this blog no longer fits the skin I'm in. Thank you for reading all my pathos and self-quarrels over the past. If you are interested in hearing when I start a new blog, please email me or comment to this post with your email/interest and I'll let you know when I start or open the next part of my life.

The End.

Forever Gentle On My Mind

Horace Edgie Grant
March 1992 - July 23, 2007

A black domestic short-hair/Burmese
Emerald green eyes, soft black fur
Named after Horace Grant of the Chicago Bulls
Favorite food was turkey and bologna
Would stand up and beg for food like a dog
Liked to sit and vogue pose in the middle of crowd
Scratchy Meow, very chatty and would answer when you talked to her
BAD temper
Loyal
Matriarch of Lil Penny and L.V.
Nicknamed Peanut-Butter, Punkin'nut, Fuzzy Butt, Velvet Puff & TunaBreath
Her song was "Walking On The Moon"
She loved listening to classical music; would sit with her eyes closed and listen


Loved.

It's not clingin' to the rocks and ivy
Planted on their columns now that bind me
Or something that somebody said because
They thought we fit together walkin'
It's just knowing that the world
Will not be cursing or forgiving
When I walk along some railroad track and find
That you're movin' on the back roads
By the rivers of my memory
And for hours you're just gentle on my mind

Though the wheat fields and the clothes lines
And the junkyards and the highways come between us
And some other woman's cryin' to her mother
'cause she turned and I was gone
I still might run in silence
Tears of joy might stain my face
And the summer sun might burn me till I'm blind
But not to where I cannot see
You walkin' on the back roads
By the rivers flowin' gentle on my mind

In loving memory of Horace Edgie Grant, who passed away with me today at her side. We had a beautiful day together where she ate her beloved bologna and turkey and let me snuggle her for a little while. She gave me one last bite and hiss and then she laid with her tiny little head in my hand and retired into her long, peaceful nap.

About Horace..

In the Spring of 1992 I decided I wanted to have a pet to keep my company in my first apartment. I went to The Anti-Cruelty Society of Chicago with the intent to get a kitten. When I got there there was only one kitten - a grey and black tabby who was SO cute. Unfortunately this other woman cut in front of me in line and got to the kitten first. Well, I was so READY to get a cat that I decided to look at some of the older cats. I walked up and down the prison wall of steel cages and saw fat, skinny, fluffy, shorthaired cats of all breeds and sizes and ages. One cat looked kind of cute and was licking my finger through the cage but it just didn't move me. I was about to give up and then I saw down on a bottom cage to the left of my foot what appeared to be an empty cage. There was a little black thing curled up sleeping with its nose in the corner. I looked at the card on the cage - it said "My Name is 'Bebe' I'm Female and approximately 2 years old." The cat looked awfully small for 2 years - Bebe looked more like a kitten. I asked the volunteer if I could see Bebe. I sat down and they brought a limp and half asleep Bebe to me. They put her in my lap and she turned around and I saw her for the first time - big huge green eyes. She looked up at my eyes and gave a long "Miaow." But it wasn't like a "take me home, I hate it here" it was more like, "Finally, you're here."

The girl who cut in line was next to me playing with the grey tabby. She heard the volunteer say they didn't know how old Bebe was really, it was a guess. But they said she was a young adult female and would probably not get any bigger. I said, "So she'll always look like a kitten!" Bebe nudged me in the stomach and was purring. She cuddled into my lap and I knew we found each other. She was no longer the horribly named "Bebe" she was now my little Horace.

She came home with me that day, rode in a taxi while in a brown cardboard box with holes in it that said "I'm Going Home!" She hated that and our home-coming was NOT special. She went bezerk and the sweet loving cat I had at the shelter was a hellion. For about two or three months she and I tussled. One night I even caught her trying to punch me in the head from the window sill next to my bed. She'd sit in the window staring out at the city scape and watched over me and if she was mad about our Tussle of the Day, she'd choose her moment to whack me in the head. But thanks to the Anti-Cruelty Society they helped me learn how to manage her behavior and I found out more about her - that she had shown signs of physical abuse when she got to the shelter. The behavior I was seeing was indicative of that as well. Nothing scared her more back then than a broom. She lost her mind when she saw a broom so my conclusion was she had been beaten with one. Sometimes when she was naughty and biting I could see why someone would want to take a broom to her - but I suspect she wasn't a biter inherently, someone made her fight for herself that passionately.

Once we established a ranking order in my household, Horace and I became buds. She grew very attached to me and would follow me around everywhere I went. If she was tired, she would position herself where she could watch me. When I went to work, she'd sit at the door and cry when I left. She was always there waiting and running up to me when I'd come home.

I didn't get to spend as much time with Horace as I'd have liked over the years. My job took me out of home, city, state and country. She moved around a bit and lived with my sister for quite a while at times. No matter how long I'd been gone, as soon I came home she became my kitty again. I inherited another cat - Penny - in 1996. And he was too sweet to be true. Everyone loved Penny but when Penny moved back with my sister and later on Sarah he never really seemed to care or notice me. But Horace never forgot who her mommy was no matter where she was living.

A friend of mine said you can love many pets but there's always one that you have a special soul-connection with. She knew Horace and I had that special bond that is a little more quietly understood. I'm not the crazy cat lady - I find it absurd and pathetic I'm writing a blog eulogy for a cat. But I can't deny the loss and sadness I have felt every day, the tears that fall every few hours when I realize she's not here. I miss her so badly and I don't want to forget or diminish her life by saying she was "just a cat." She was my companion and witness to the happiest and saddest times of my life. And if you had the memory that I do of her sleeping in a cage and the knowledge that she had been beaten and abused and unwanted, it would be an understatement to say she deserves all the love and remembrance I can give her memory and legacy in my life.

This is an email I sent out to my friends that knew her - it's my remembrance and record of her passing and I probably can't write it any better than I did.

Horace is gone. She died at 5:45 this evening. She was really mad about being at the vet - she bit me and the tech so they had to sedate her. In a way, I was glad to see her get mad like that - that was the kitty I knew: strong willed and not having any of what she didn't want!

When they brought her back in she was half asleep and lethargic. I stayed with her the whole time and had her head in my hand and stroked her ears. I watched her the whole time, we kept eye contact. It was very peaceful but when the vet checked her heartbeat I broke down. They left me alone with her and I took out my hairbrush and groomed her - I meant to brush her before we left but I wanted to do this for her. She looked so pretty and peaceful. I kissed her on the head and ears like I always do. I cleaned her eyes and placed my hand on her heart before I left. She and I had a little talk last night and I told her how much I loved her and wished I was able to take better care of her - in the past and now. I told her I didn't know if this was the right thing to do but I couldn't manage her illnesses and I knew she could be happier.

It was time for her, the last four days she hadn't left my bedroom except for water and litter (or the floor..). I gave her her bologna and turkey today and she ate that and didn't throw up for the first time. We had a really good week together and I know there could have been no better way for me to choose the time for her "nap." The last few nights Penny slept with her and me.. Today he stayed away, it was like he knew that the end was coming close.

It feels like you're playing God when you do something like this. But that's the thing about free-will. And little Horace was entrusted to me and I know that it was better to let her go when she still had some shred of dignity and fire in her than to watch the paced decline she's been going through.

I'm doing OK, Penny is cuddled up on Horace's favorite blanket - a wool tartan from Scotland. He seems to be a bit confused but doing OK. It's good to have him here and I love him to pieces though he can never replace my Horace.

I took a lot of pictures and videos of her this week and today. I also clipped some of her fur and put it into a little Frango Mint box with the Chicago skyline on it. I will have her cremated and ashes returned to me. It's not cheap but as I reflected on her life and remembered the first time I saw her - in a gaggle of cages at the Chicago Humane Society with other unwanted cats and cowering in the back of a cold steel cage - I knew that I owed her something better than a mass-cremation with other cats. When I first picked her up that day in 1993, I held her and she looked up at me with her big green eyes and meowed. Her eyes were the first and last thing I saw in her.

She stood out from all the other cats at that shelter and I can't send her back from where she came; she has to stay with me because at the end of the day we chose each other.

Weather Blog Opened For Business

I figured out the ol' Weather Blog and updated here at the start of Hurricane Season and TS Barry (sounds like a writer, non?)

http://aksweather.blogspot.com/

Update of the shortest order

I need to open my weather blog (but not sure i remember the login and password) as its June 1st, hence the start of hurricane season. And it's starting off with a bang as Tropical Storm Barry is peeing all over us right now. It hasn't rained for yonks and now it's flooding. Not Katrina flooding, mind you, just random Florida flooding (the temporary kind).

In other buggery news, I need to have surgery and a biopsy on a lump on my torso. It's not believed to be cause for any concern so I'm not concerned except for the $$ it's going to cost plus time from work. I have to call the surgeon on Monday for I guess a consult and schedule the surgery.. Although I'm not thrilled about them wanting to send it out to pathology, I can't say I'm stressed about it. You can't predict your life, you know? If one dodges this bullet there's always another, always a final bullet so why sit around and worry about it? I'm very at peace with whatever has to happen. It's more than likely a big nothing - but it's gotten rather large in a short amount of time hence my going to the doctor about it.

Anyway, that's all I can be arsed with journaling right now. I've been quiet lately but it's not from a lack of what to say it's more of a lack of Should Say, How To Say and the big question of Why Say?

Savvy?

A Golden Oldie From The JHS Choir..

I don't remember who all sang this with me in choir aside from Holly. Mon Amie, did you?! I have no idea (well, I do but I won't say) where this came from but I just started singing it today out of nowhere. Unfortunately, I only know the alto version so I can't sng the melody on this at all and don't even know how it's supposed to sound. It's a cute song, from An American Tail.

Somewhere Out There

written by James Horner, Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

Wise Words from Mon Amie

My Mon Amie (I know that's bad englishfrench) sent me these lyrics today from a Carrie Underwood song and I thank her so much for sending them..because it's speaks a truth I feel so much in my heart right now.


"Lessons Learned"

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.

Well..that was easy

I'm getting better at healing up :-) I woke up today feeling a bit sad but then I thought about all the exciting things I have coming up, the joy that is around me and some of the fears I'm ready to conquer and the incredible lessons I've learned from this experience that will make me a better woman, a happier woman.

It wasn't for nowt, anyway, I did and saw things with D that were new for me. I never been on rollercoasters like that before and conquered that fear. I got to go to an NBA playoff game! I got to see a newborn gorilla be nursed by its mama. Those are all genuine experiences that I got to do because of him and I'm thankful for that. He also opened my eyes up to how I can take better care of the memory of my mother and that's an incredible gift. That's all of him I plan to take with me and the rest gets left behind with the rest of him. I will always be grateful for what he brought into my life, but I know my future has to be better without him because that is what's meant to be.

I had to go out to Melbourne for work today and afterwards I took the non-convenient route by way of the beachside. I went to my old house, sat on the rocks and read a book for a little bit. Then I did something I often do but said something I haven't said in twenty three years I guess. I looked up at the window of my mother's old bedroom, where I made deathbed promises. And I asked for her forgiveness of the promises I haven't been able to keep. I also told her that despite my tears and frustration at times I don't blame her for what has happened to me, that I know she's not trying to throw me under the proverbial bus. And I said the last thing I expected to say.. I looked directly at that window and I said in a full voice, "I love you, mama. I really love you."

What an overwhelming peace there is to say that to her in the present tense. Just because she's not here doesn't mean she doesn't need to hear me tell her I love her. More importantly, I need to hear that I love her. And that love is not in the past tense.

When Good Guys Go Bad

As many know, I've been dating a few guys over the past couple months. It's been overall a very good experience because I've gotten to know some cool people, done some fun things and figured out a little bit more about myself and what I want than I would have otherwise realized. There was one guy who stood out a bit more than the others. In fact, he stood out more than any other guy I've ever dated for the particular chronological stage we were at. Three weeks ago, though, I knew something was wrong and my gut said to walk away. I let the most loving and well-meaning friends tell me to give him a chance. I let one good friend (the only guy who spoke up) advice not roll off my back but rather than act on it I decided to keep it in my pocket and observe. I should have listened to the guy's advice because I'd have saved myself a lot of trouble.

You see, despite a lot of things that happened, this guy ultimately was not crazy about me. While I offered him all the things he wanted out of a partner, I was not good enough. Now, that might not be the case in its entirety, it might be in part his own short comings. I.e., he's lying to me or lying to himself. Either way, we were done romantically. But, could we be friends? The answer at first was an obvious yes until I found out that his feelings for me were not the sort of feelings I consider to have with other guy friends of mine. Which is, I'm a funny entertaining bird to have around and about as attractive to them as Leroy the bartender. I can't be friends with someone who wants to continue to talk to me about intimate things but will still wander around looking for another woman. I have a knack for connecting with people - it's what I do for a living - and the tough part is I make these guys feel that they've found their mama or something and they don't want to let go but nor do they want to stay. Well, in the past I've tried out being that kind of girl friend with miserable results because what happens is I'm focused on his needs rather than mine. I'm done with that.

But the bigger and more important question begs to asked...and no, it's not "Why am I not good enough" (which I do ask in my sadder moments). It's "How the fuck did I end up here AGAIN?"

So I came up with a Dating SOP (that's Standard Operating Procedure" for you non-corporate types).

This is a draft but I think it's worth posting for now. If I update it, I will do so. But I think this is something I need to stick to. I also need to take some advice from some very, very wise women and men I know which is to write that description of what he looks like, who he is and who he will be. So I know what I'm looking for and not negotiating my way to a heartache. With this guy, I did compromise but I ended up finding him attractive and someone I was drawn to. Women are capable of that, but not men. But again, I negotiated myelf into a bad situation so, I won't be doing that again. If I get hurt - and I will again - it won't be because I compromised.

Dating SOP, Version 1.0
Intended Audience: Women over the age of 30, dating via blind date or online or meeting via other means:

1. In email stage, ask him what kind of relationship, how long since his last relationship and how long has he been actively dating. You should know this and be prepared to answer it
2. Why did his last relationship end?
3. 2-3 emails and then give him your number and he has to call. Emails end.
4. Within 2-3 phone calls, no more until you meet face to face
5. After first meeting, ask outright (and not in email) “Do you see any spark or reason to go out again?”
6. If there’s a vague answer, end it. If it’s an emphatic yes and there’s concern in his voice you might not feel the same, go for it.
7. Follow your gut – a second date to confirm unanswered questions is OK, it’s not an engagement to be married
8. If after two dates, you aren’t feeling it or your gut is telling you something is wrong: end it. It’s early enough for no hard feelings and not messy at all

Once you’re officially “dating” but before he tells you how he feels about you:

1. No invites over to your house for any reason or circumstances until he tells you how he feels about you. Your home is your sanctuary and he has no right to be there until he’s earned the right to enter your sanctuary
2. No discussion about mother – it’s private, personal and will either provide false sense of emotional intimacy or will scare him off with “too many issues” as an excuse. Save it for when there’s an established, loving relationship and he’s earned the right to know
3. He pays for everything – period. Why? Because until he speaks up, he’s very likely to do something incredibly selfish and inconsiderate whereas as a woman in your 30’s you’re more likely to be honest with him and yourself. You at least deserve a dinner out of it
4. Aside from a hug or romantic yet friendly-ish kiss (and not the tongue down your throat kind), he is hands off. When his hands come calling (and they will) and things start moving towards sexual advances, find a nice and calm way to cool/off back off and then just ask – where do you see this going? Yep, it’s going to irritate the hell out of him. But if you mean more to him than a present sex partner at that moment, he should be willing to let you know. Then go for it if you want!

Once He’s Said How He Feels:

1. It’s OK to let him in your house
2. It’s OK to let him in your heart, mind, and start talking about what makes you “you” (the good, the bad and the ugly)
3. It’s OK to let him have his way with you as much as you’re comfortable
4. It’s OK to think about the future and where you’d fit in
5. None of that is OK, however if he:
1. Doesn’t call you regularly
2. Doesn’t seem to care if you are coming or going
3. Treats you with disrespect, physical or verbal violence or abuse
4. Doesn’t make plans with you
5. Doesn’t going into panic overdrive if you don’t call him back/available for a date
6. Doesn’t tell you regularly on his own initiative that you’re special to him, beautiful and desired

Summer Samba

It's officially hot outside. Last weekend seemed so long (not in a bad way, of course) and this one is going by so fast.

Friday I was out very late and the next day I was wiped out. The girls came over for brunch and shopping at this event thingie. I entered a raffle and got a call earlier today that I won. I'm not sure what I won yet but I'll head over there later to do that.

I've gotten a ton done today, after spending most of yesterday essentially hung over some how. I started out the day well by downloading Bebel Gilberto off iTunes. Then I went for about an 8 mile bike ride listening to the aforementioned Bebel. It was a great way to spend a sunny Sunday morning, listening to Samba/Bossa Nova tunes, riding around town, stopping to buy a mango at the Farmer's Market before figuring out what to do today.

I was going to go to the beach but then I decided to work in the yard instead. I planted herbs, pulled buckets of weeds, started going through and sorting my grandmother's things in the front room (it's been cluttered for too long now). I also changed my office upstairs a bit - took the glass top off my desk..I just don't like it and prefer the natural wood top now. And I also re-caulked my shower. I could have done a better job but it's good enough for now. I have no idea how I've gotten all this done, but obviously some got done yesterday.

From the 'creative' perspective, I need to work on "Project Lyd" for my grandmother. I also want to make "artwork" by creating some quotes in photoshop and turning them to jpegs I can print out like a photo. I got this idea because I had to remove (with the glass top) some quotes I had stored under the glass. In particular, the quote from Wuthering Heights (the last paragraph of it). I'd like to do a series 5x7's with paragraph quotes from my favorite books. The problem is, I don't know what my favorite books are :-/ The no brainer is Wuthering Heights, of course. Here's the list of favorite books that might be quotable:

Charlottes Web - the Templeton Do This bit? Or the good friend and a good writer?
Little Women - Beth? That would always make me cry though..
The Great Gatsby - Boats against the current, natch
Huckleberry Finn - Am guessing it will be the bit about Huck coming to Tom's window, I used it in a short story once
The Sheltering Sky - Can't decide between tourism/tourist or the treeless plain bit
A Child's Garden of Verses - To Any Reader

Though I like Steinbeck, no quote immediately comes to mind. I could do a bit of Yeats but that seems SO cliche (because it'd be about the carpet/dreams one or Minnaloushe but again, cliche). Dorothy Parker seems like a must-do but again, how cynical should I go? Probably again the one I used in another short story (Midnight I think it's called). I should consider some Hemingway and something from Dorian Gray. Oh I don't know. My friend Kim is having a girl. If I find some way of doing these quotes in photos/art I will do her some Robert Louis Stevenson once I know her theme. It's not going to be a word page printed out, by the way. I intend to use Photoshop and create it.

I also made an incredibly good strip steak for lunch. I snipped herbs from my Italian Herb garden (oregeno, thyme, rosemary, flat leaf parsely) and I used my mezzaluna set to make an herb rub w/ olive oil, crushed garlic and red pepper flakes. It was the bomb - I grilled it over hickory chips which is odd admittedly but it was the only wood I had. I also rolled corn on the cob in the mixture and grilled that too. That was delic! I found this thing online called "Plan Your Menu Mondays" and I thought about doing that and then thought I'm not quite that domesticated yet. Plus, I have to go to Melbourne and Ft Myers this week anyway. Which reminds me! I'm going to go here:

http://www.aureliosofnaples.com/

I plan to get some uncooked pizzas for Mother's Day (for my grandmother).

Then I ended up watching Desk Set on TCM while working on a few projects - a rather sad reminder of everything we are going through at work.

Well enough rambling and time to get back to my projects!! And can't wait to see what I won in the raffle!

Pack Smart: The Weird (and unmentionable) List

I used to be a Road Warrior, traveling 25, 50, 75+ thousand miles a year and over the course that time I picked up a few things that I have found make a world of difference in making travel to an unfamiliar (or even a routinely unfamiliar place - a concept I think road warriors understand) a bit more sane. I also am a Rick Stevie type who likes things to have double use - on the road or at home!

Note, any hyperlinks here to products are not neccessarily ones I've used but just to give a pictorial idea of what I am referring to.

The List
Matches - Wooden matchsticks are better but anything will do except a lighter. This is the most lightweight and effective odor eliminator I've ever found. Especially if you're traveling with a companion who is having issues south of the border.

Lightweight Sarong - This is great for short urban luxury getaways, cruises, international hosteling and I'm sure it'd be good for Appalaichan camping. A lightweight sarong can be used as: bed sheet in nasty hotels, robe for communal baths or even just modesty on girls weekend, pillow case for train or car trips, laundry/hobo bag and even a use-with-caution exercise or yoga mat. If you get a good lightweight one, it can be washed and dried very quickly.

Fabric Sheets - If you get a small box of them they will keep your suitcase smelling fresh. You can tear one out and shove it in your sneakers if you have stinky feet or in a foul smelling room you can ball it up and shove it in the airvent or lay on top of a radiator

Downy/Wrinkle Releaser - This is the best thing since sliced bread. No need to iron (assuming you haven't sat on silk or linen for 10 hours in 90 degree heat) and also acts as quick laundry. This is better than Febreze which only takes a stink out and doesn't release wrinkles

Extension Cord/Multi Plug Outlet - This takes up literally no room but can be a huge help for the techie who can't leave home without it. Many hotel rooms overseas but especially cruise ship cabins have one out of reach plug - this will extend your power supply to wherever you need it. A multi-plug will help power up a few items at the same time (everyone's cell phone died at the same time). I've never seen a suitcase that can't fit 6 foot extension cord.

Clorox Bleach Pen - If you're a germaphobe, you can annhilate mildew or some offensive looking sinks/tubs. Also you can use it to disinfect phones, sinks and door handles if you are concerned about sanitary conditions. If you have a penchant for wearing white and spill a lot, it can bleach out something foul as well.

Tide Pen - Remove stains on the go - fits into anyplace a pen will go! I like these better than shout wipes.

How I Pack:
I like packing cubes. They keeps clothes from getting smashed and jumbled. If you're really anal, you can keep shirts with shirts and skirts with skirts, or color code whatever. Packing cubes are also a life saver if something spills - it's one more layer of protection

For unmentionables I like to use a regular mesh lingerie wash bag. If you're really efficient you have one for the clean stuff and one for the worn so when you get home you can chuck it right into the washer.
It also helps to avoid the TSA from giving you crabs by handling your unmentionables shortly after handling someone else's really unmentionables.

If you don't have packing cubes, then use plastic zipper bags or even a grocery bag works too. Typically all the TSA really needs to do is feel the item to ensure you haven't zipped in a weapon, explosives, cocaine or heaven forbid more than 4 ounces of Evian.

For my liquid items (which you can no longer carry in your carry on - but I never did. Even Fleabag Motel gives you soap and shampoo compris)

I also don't have a verdict on whether or not it makes sense to bring shampoo or not. I have mixed feelings about this. As a young adult/teen I never fully understood how the wrong shampoo can completely alter your ability to have decent hair. So now I'm a lot pickier and selective about what I wash my hair with. But I also have learned that the shampoo of choice at home may not react the same with different water. Soft water, hard water, treated water etc and of course climactic conditions specific to humidity all play a factor. So, generally speaking if I'm traveling in the "planes, trains and automobiles" with a different city every night I'll just use whatever shampoo they give and use a leave in product post shampoo/conditioner. Conditioners, by the way, work even more erratically depending on the water source.

So there are my thoughts on packing. That was a spectacular waste of time...

Imus

Oh all the chatter online, on TV, on radio about Don Imus' racist comments.. Rev Sharpton and Jessie all out in outrage (and they should be, actually).

What he said is not funny, it's reprehensible but today rather than getting all up into the moral judgement of it all, I asked myself a bigger question: Who the hell cares what Don Imus thinks? Or anyone else for that matter?

You think about Michael "Kramer" Richards rant/tirade or any given rap song, think about the celebrities who spew some form of misogynistic or racisit rhetoric and we think that's destroying our society? Well maybe it is, but I'm actually more concerned about the racist rhetoric, the verbal and physical abuse of women that happen in homes across America where absolutely no cameras or microphones are present. What a wonderful world it would be if Rev. Sharpton could show up in a home like Spiderman everytime a young black woman is called a Nappy Headed Ho by her boyfriend, father or husband and he beat the shite out of him the way he's spending his time wailing on Don Imus.

I mean, honestly, who gives a damn what Mel Gibson, Don Imus, or Kramer thinks of black women? I could give a damn.

Chicken (Identify Fraude) Supreme

I watched last week's Dateline NBC show: "To Catch AN Identity Thief" and there was something oddly familiar about the hotel where they were meeting with the thieves.

It was none other than my old hotel Alma Mater, the Mariott Renaissance Zurich

Ah, the salad days.

Happy Easter!

Seems that I'm constantly showing up at Raglan Road every major holiday dinner. I'm not in a food coma per se but I certainly am still flying on chocolate sponge cake w/ marmalade.

Not much to report here - except to tell a tale in photos.

This was taken on Saturday:



This was taken on Sunday:




See, y'all up thar up north think you're the only ones with psychotic weather. Nawp.

One for each hand...

Thanks to the AMAZING Italian deli by my grandmother's and a utterly FANTASTIC wine shop that just opened up in Orlando, my two long-sought beverages of choice have now arrived...





I can't tell you the trouble I've gone through trying to obtain a bottle of LaCastellina anything. The last bottle I had was a 1994 Chianti Classico Riserva that I brought to a dinner party - thrown by a chef. He was insane over this wine. Anyway, this is a 2000, not sure how that will be. But I wonder...could it be from the same vine of which we stole grapes off the SS222 road? Hmm! This will be a fun bottle to enjoy - since my first trip there was in 2000. I miss Castellina....

And the San Benedetto water (I also found the LEMON and peach ice tea!) is fantastic. D and I went to a new pizzeria here last night. It was delicious - cut and served just like in Chicago. Turns out the owners are from Milwaukee and so they do pizza like we know pizza. I can't wait to go back and try the Chicago style. In fact, I might order it on my way home. Crispy crackery crust..da bomb!

I'm also going to my first professional baseball game this week. D has season tickets and we're going to the opener tomorrow night - I'm sure whatever they have going on at Devil Ray stadium will be a let down compared to Wrigley, Fenway and Camden Yards but hey it's baseball.

Promises Promises

I shan't promise that I'll blog. But I've gotten zero sleep the last two days - I've been on call for work and I'm just wiped the hell out.

But at least I got my wireless figured out at home at long last. I was being stupit.

This post surely isn't worth the wait, is it? Sigh.


G'night, I have to go back to bed.

Floridiocy Vol II

No, it wasn't on I-4 this time...but 417 had a mattress in the right hand lane approaching the toll booth.

A mattress.

That's really not all that weird, the La-Z-Boy recliner on I-4 still is weirder.

Arrrgghh!

I've entered the contest to go to the pre premiere. Oh I hope I win!!

African Film Festival

Last night on the Oscars, there were a few movie referenced (denoted by an "*" below) that made me think how "fun" it would be to have a film festival of films set in Africa. There are a few movies that I would love to have an African Film Festival on. Just movies that prominantly feature Africa in some way.

Lawrence of Arabia
The Sheltering Sky
The English Patient
The Constant Gardener*
Hotel Rwanda
The Last King of Scotland*
The African Queen
Out of Africa
Blood Diamond*
Babel*
I Dreamed of Africa (silly but not bad)
Cry Freedom
Black Hawk Down
Casablanca

Feels like there's something I'm missing but oh well. I just saw Out of Africa and Casablanca this weekend. I didn't sit down to watch patiently because I've seen them before. It's not surprising, every spring (and sorry Yanks, it's very "spring" here in Florida this week!) all I can think about is going abroad and getting to sub-saharan Africa.

It's going to rain today and I got a free ticket to see Harry Connick. I'm not sure if I'll go but I'm planning on it for now.

Floridiocy Continued

From our Correspondent in the Field, I received word this week that another idiot case involving a Floridiot has surface in the national media. Apparently a principal of (yes, a principal) of a middle school in Tampa purchased crack from an undercover officer. But that's not the story. In placing the order, he requested it to be delivered to his place of work. Which, naturally, is...the middle school.

Yesterday I had an interesting encounter with a tourist in the Target parking lot. I could make this a long drawn out affair to recount in detail but... well, why not.

I purchased, yesterday, a set of wire cubes and a footlocker of sorts. When I got to my car, I realized the back was full of coats that need to be re-buttoned at the tailor's so I had to do some maneuvering to get my clunky purchases in. A few minutes into this ordeal, I noticed that there was another vehicle idling nearby - waiting for my parking spot. I thought I ought to hurry up at first but then I noticed that kiddie-corner from me was another parking space. Let me illustrate and then I shall explain.




As you can see from this illustration*, the open parking space was technically closer to the doors of the store (the dotted line plots out the actual walking distance). My parking space - the "Potential" parking space appeared closer because it was one slot closer to the building itself.

This guy - ever so attractive in his navy blue oversized wife beater, black salt & pepper hair on his very, very pale white chest and unpleasantly plump physique was actually waiting for a perceived "better" spot. Praps he could have used a bit of sun and a walk but who am I to judge?

So what did I do? I took my sweet time. I worked on my trunk, then I decided to apply some Armor All love on my dashboard. I plugged in my iPod to the transmitter, checked email on the 'Berry.. Eventually traffic came behind him so he moved and drove AROUND the set of parking spaces as diagrammed on the left handside of my illustration and re-queued himself AGAIN waiting for me. The traffic that had piled up was trying to exit up to the store and to the right so they did not use the open parking spaces.

By the time I left, he pulled into my spot.

AIGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. What is WRONG with people?!?!!

On a happier note - the part of the Oprah special with Sidney Poitier that I forgot to explicitly mention but was THE best part was Jamie Foxx got on a grand piano - on the stage where Sidney received his Oscar years and years and years past - and sang to him, "Amen" from Lilies of the Field. Beautiful. Just beautiful. I burned it onto DVD.

*Yes, I know this begs the obvious question: "where does she find the time to do this crap?" The answer is I'm a quick hand with Visio and it amuses me. So nerr.

Moved

At the risk of propelling the myth that my favorite show on TV is Oprah, I have to say that last night's Oscar special was unfortunately pretty cornball up until the end.

The Julia Roberts and George Clooney interview should have been hysterical, particularly with Brad Pitt calling in. But it was clumsy and exclusionary. It was like watching the head cheerleader and quarterback vamp for anyone who is watching their explosive coolness. The attitude was, "Lets see how the world's most beautiful people giggle and self-congratulate."

It got better with Nicole Kidman and Russell Terrier err.. Crowe. But it was still awkward, like watching two ex-nerds scuffle their feet and poorly pretend to not have a crush on the other. For being good friends and Aussies, I thought they were extraordinarily repressed which Nicole alluded to in the fact they are both extremely ticklish.

I don't know what's wrong with my brain and Hollywood compass then that I though the Jamie Foxx and Sidney Poitier interview would be not even worth investing another 20 minutes in. Honestly, the producers should have sacked the 40 minutes of High School Musical that took place before and just had these two. Both actors are extremely soulful and I don't say that to mean "extremely black" - but there's an obvious kindred spirit between the two that is tangible. And more to that, it was amazing to watch two Hollywood figures - one a legend, the other a padawan and see them honorably and humbly accept the context of their success. I liked what Sidney said as well, that the measure of a man is in how he treats/raises his children. How true is that especially in this day and age where so many men view their children as an optional, negotiable add-on in their lives. There are too many single mom's out there and too many biological fathers. I've learned this in my own life by witness or by experience that men have the natural ability to walk away. Women certainly do walk away as well, but not without some extreme social penalty. Men walk away and he's normal. But I have to believe there is something biological or instinctual that permits a man to say it's OK to see your kid once a week or four times a year. Maybe that's me being extraordinarily judgemental (based on overwhelming circumstance) but I think it's so common it must be by human design.

They showed clips of "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner" - which is one of my all time favorite movies. And I realized the reason I love that movie and enjoy Sidney Poitier as an actor and as a person to respect, is because his movies have a quality that I can only describe as "hand made" in his performance. How can an actor be so much of his own person yet create a unique and magnificent character? I know I love that movie because it takes all the issues, woes and cranks of society and compresses it into a family dynamic.

Anyway, that's that. Good show.

God BLESS! (aka, WTF, Florida?)

I have been wanting to post for several days now but I've been inundated with friends and family from up north escaping the frigid single digits (that's single Farenheit for you foreigners) for Florida's slightly chilled 50/60 degree weather.

But I'm glad I didn't because otherwise I could not come up with this small omnibus of crackpot issues that esssentially tie back to the state of Florida. Which makes me wonder, what kind of freak-magnet is the state of Florida anyway? Lets looks what's just happened since I've posted:

1. El Nino, which is affecting the whole of North America, give the middle finger to Florida as it incites killer tornadoes literally shredding the St. Johns portion of the I-4 corridor to shreds to an extent it was reported on nationally and internationally.
2. The Bears lose the Superbowl to the Indianapolis Colts, held in Miami. The Bears cannot seem to win in Miami ever.
   
3. Anna Nicole Smith's bizarre and psychotic life ends in Florida despite having her freak on everywhere else, she's got to bring her side show here
4. A (nother) Disney employee is arrested for doing something illegal involving children. Again.
5. Lisa Nowak, a relatively unknown NASA astronaut decides to relocate herself from Houston wearing an adult diaper* and drive to..yep, "The Freak Magnet State" to "talk" to a PAFB officer utilizing pepper spray, rubber tubing, a hammer, a 4 inch knife, rubber gloves and lover letters.
   

That's just the last week.

Never mind what has gone on in this state historically from record and repeated hurricanes, the "Hanging Chad" issue, a state ruling affected a presidential election where the Governer is the brother of the presidential candidate, the Elian Gonzalez affair, the Terri Schiavo case bringing the hottest Right To Life debate ever... there are plenty more but that's just what comes to mind. I know I think every week when I watch the news that Florida constantly is finding itself knee deep in some bizarre and/or sick controversy making us look like the Drama Queen State or summat. And with the weather (this year we've had hurricanes, tropical storms, an earthquake, killer tornadoes and snow), it would appear that we are Mother Nature's chew toy in addition to being an idiot magnet. Which might explain why so many people get bit by sharks and alligators here, as well.

*It's not that weird for an astronaut to do that, is it? I mean, they are used to defecating into things other than toliets for long periods of time so I would think she'd think nothing of being confined in a car for 10 hours and just doing her biological thang right into a receptacle attached to her...

Back from Holiday

Well today is the last day of my holiday before going back to work. The house is almost done, still a good 5-6 hours of work left but I'm very pleased with the progress. My goal to return to work with a clean and organized house in my wake is nearly there. There are some concessions I'm making - like the kitchen. That's always going to ebb and flow in it's organization since I use it so much.

But it's been a great, eventful time. J's family was here and we had a great time in and around O-Town (so stupid a nickname). I took gobs of short videos and gobs of pictures. Pictures are going up on Flickr and videos are going up on a webpage (of which my techie friends will probably think is about as lame ass as one can conceive) but that will be a project for later on. House comes first!

But of all the pictures taken this week, this is my absolute favorite.



It was taken at Blue Springs State Park which is a natural manatee refuge. I stress natural because the manatees are not relocated there but migrate there. It's a natural warm spring that sits at 72 degrees year round. The manatees go there in the winter because they prefer the warmer waters, naturally. The St Johns River can get pretty cold as it starts up in Jacksonville (at least) and it gets ccccold in Orlando. They are safer there as well as when they are in the springs, there are no motor boats and no real threat (except alligators though I'm not sure if alligators will try to eat a manatee..they don't look like good eating). It's amazing to see SO many of an endangered species in one area and in the wild. It's not exactly the wild though, I still say the most incredible was finding them in a little offshoot canal in Brevard County's Banana River. That was amazing because that is not a refuge but the true wild - but that was some 20 years ago.

Speaking of the rivers, we also went to Kennedy Space Center and driving over the causeway to Merritt Island/Cape Kennedy we saw TONS of porpoises. That was so beautiful as it was early morning, the sun was shining and they were rolling around and playing in the water. I'm not sure if I have ever seen that before. KSC was great as always. I took a video fo me walking the length of a Saturn V rocket. It took - at an accelerated walking pace - 1 minute and 21 seconds for me to walk almost the length of it (I had to stop right about 20-40 feet because of a barrier). People who know me know I do not walk slow (maybe slower than I did when I was an urbanite) and have a fairly long stride for a gurl. But, that was amazing.

Disney was very strange and perfect at the same time. NO crowds at all. We really didn't wait for anything at all. In fact, the characters (da Mickey included) was beckoning us in to take pictures, Aladdin walked around Morocco with us.. Very strange. It was a nice trip and everyone had a good time. But I'm not sure everything was even-steven between R and A so I have lost some sleep over that ;-D

Well back to my 5-6 hours of housework.

Why scrapbooking is funny

It's funny because you find odd bits and pieces in tucked away boxes - things you'd never expect to find in a billion years. Like, for example, how many people can find this interesting tidbit about themselves on a torn off piece of a Pampers box?

Apparently on December 14, 1972 I urinated at 2PM and puked at 2:45PM and again at 3:05P.M

The logging of this clearly was a team effort as the urination log is in my mother's handwriting and the vomit log is in my grandmother's.

Why log this on the back of a Pampers box? We were so poor we couldn't afford scrap paper?

But despite all the urination and vomiting (I was a sickly thing), I turned out reasonably cute..




At the risk of being a showoff - how many people have this good Mommy & Me photos?! I looks like an ad for the Gap collided with some little girl who stole JFK Jr's coat.

DA BEARS!!!

WOW!

The Bears are actually going to the Superbowl after twenty-one years of succesive failure. I'm really shocked!

I also think it bears noting, though I only have two occasions in history of which to call upon, it always snows when the Bears win the NFC and go to the Superbowl. In 1985/86 they said it was Papa Bear's tears. I think there might be some truth to that, but, this year I think Waldy's tears are mixed in there too.

Time to watch Virgina Halas McCaskey hand the trophy over.


Suddenly, I miss Walter very, very much.

Sports & The City

OK, I admit it. I'm watching the Bears/Saints game and the weather is fair here in Florida. Not that I'm making any connection.

I'm moved to post because I actually heard a name outside of the usual context (Usual Context = some elaborate discussion about the 46 zone defense or any aspect of the 1985 Chicago Bears). Ron Rivera is the Defensive Coordinator. Ron Rivera? That's the best we could do?! Of all those guys, Ron Rivera is the only actively participating remanent of 22 years of formerly manhandling, earth shaking, booty rumbling defensive elegance?

Whatever.

It's not the same this year, by any stretch. For one thing, we don't have THIS this year:




Oh Jimmie Mac, when are you comin back? This photo is suprisingly not very dated looking, given it's 21 years and 2 months old.

But more importantly, this is is also what we don't have:
(clicky on the picture to see better detail in the picture - if you're interested. This is one of Jeff MacNelly's better toons)




Does this type of fandom even exist anymore? Has Chicago become too cosmopolitan to be good die hard sports fans? It might be. Oprah is thin, Bono is shopping at the three story Gap next to where the last good coffee shop was (Cambridge House, R.I.P.), the Park Hyatt swells over the street that leads to Cabrini Green which is getting torn down brick by brick. You look at your average Gator fan or FSU and they pretty much are not cosmopolitan type people. They like to paint their faces and get naked and this is why they are good sports fans.

The thing was, back in the day, Chicago would lose its literal mind on a day like this. I suspect there's a great deal of going's on in Chicago today and it's hardly shut down (I'm sure da Jewel is doing just fine). People change, times change, I wonder if Chicago is losing its identity slowly, or is it merely just that I'm losing my identity to Chicago?

I'm not saying that in the upper reaches of Northern Illinois or downstate there are Bears fans. But do da super fanz ex-zist any more, my friend?



edited: I spoke too soon - now they are talking about Ditka..Jim Harbaugh and Jim McMahon. But all Ditka centric. Barf.

Shoee, I ain't a freak after all

At least not based on the standards of this Yahoo news story. What a relief.

Migraines, one bad blurry eye and a malfunctioning debit card and a song I wish I had known or was recorded years ago as this could be the Single Girl's Consulting Anthem.. (apologies for being ultra mainstream American Idol kind of sappy)

"Home"

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Babe I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
'Cause I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
That this is not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Oh if only life was framed and lived like a snapshot of a lyric, if the hindsight came five years earlier, if you had the opportunity to know where not going home would lead.

I dedicate to this post to all the chicks on the road. May your flights be comp upgraded, may your outbound be long and your inbound be short, may you make Platinum this year, may your 1st class salad not be Caesar, may you never taste a Milano cookie again, may you get reclining exit row, and may you make your success be defined by more than all of that.

Up & Coming Sabbatical

I got NOTHING done today that I should have. This weekend has been a farce of an attempt at actually getting things accomplished so I could have a more sane week.

SO, that said, I'm informing one and all to consider me "out of town" if not out of country next weekend. Imagine I'm on a cruise with only sporadic access to email! I will be doing some digital scrapbooking..in part. My two projects are to do something with the DDFC picture and the other is the long promised My First Haircut one for my friend Lala's daughter that I've been promising to do. And, I'm going to work on a real scrapbook - pieces of which I've accumulated over the past few weeks culminating in an $11 kit from Wal Mart today that sort of merges it all together. It's a wee scrapbook, not one of those big ones but a smaller portable version. I'm going to try to do Italy and London in those for starters.

Well I'll probably blog once more before next weekend but if not, no one should worry if they don't hear from me. I'm totally going to be signing off next weekend.

Good Tidings We Bring

I got a little 'calculator" thing from the Red Campaign. You plug in the Red campaign items you've purchased and it tells you what you bought has really bought. Then you get a card:

So by pandering to my greed and sense of style, I've been able to help two hundred women. By tapping into my sense giving rather than receiving this Christmas, I've COMPLETELY paid for pre and post op care, surgery, some education and a new set of clothes for two women in Africa. It took so little and changed almost nothing in my life. That makes you really consider, doesn't it, how great the need is when one can do so little and yet impact so many.

That has motivated me to come out of my blogging reclusiveness to post that good news. I'm not dead, I merely have a post traumatic concussion issue which makes me excessively tired. I sleep very hard these days and I definitely am getting better but it's not easy for me to write. I got home relatively early this evening (if 7 is relatively early) and began burning DVDs to clean out my overburdened TiVo. I transferred last year's Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction for U2. I loved Bruce Springsteen's brilliant and very entertaining speech, which you can read here if you are so inclined.

But a part of Bono's speech brought me to tears, I'm not sure if I ever really noticed this part the first time I saw it. I probably should have saved this post for MLK Day but I frankly probably won't remember to do it (I have a broken brain, after all). What brought me to tears is I either already knew this story (which I don't believe I do) so much as I knew what the point of the story would be. At this point in his speech, Bono had used 'Kodak moments' to describe each member of the band but was saving the best for last - Adam Clayton. This Kodak moment is centered around the song "Pride", which I typically refer to as a "cookie break" song (so overplayed that it's time to have a cookie rather than sit there and watch/endure it). The third verse which Bono refers to in this speech is (with poetic license against historical facts)

Early morning, April four

A shot rings out in the Memphis sky

Free at last, they took your life

They could not take your pride

Anyway, this is from Bono's speech at the induction:

Third Kodak moment. 1987. Somewhere in the south. We'd been campaigning for Dr. King, for his birthday to become a national holiday. In Arizona, they are saying no. We're campaigning very hard for Dr. King. Some people don't like it. Some people get very annoyed. Some people want to kill us. Some people are taken very seriously by the FBI. They tell the singer that he shouldn't play the gig because tonight his life is at risk, and he must not go on stage. And the singer laughs. Of course we're playing the gig. Of course we go onstage, and I'm singing "Pride (In the Name of Love)" -- the third verse -- and I close my eyes. And you know, I'm excited about meeting my maker, but maybe not tonight. I don't really want to meet my maker tonight. I close my eyes and when I look up I see Adam Clayton standing in front of me, holding his bass as only Adam Clayton can hold his bass. There are people in this room who'd tell you they'd take a bullet for you, but Adam Clayton would have taken a bullet for me. I guess that's what its like to be in a truly great rock and roll band.

OK, I'm going to land of nod now. InspiRED.

Buon Anno! Bonne Annee! Ein glückliches neues Jahr!

Happy New Year!

I didn't make it past midnight - not from a lack of trying but I had been sick and was working on so many projects simultaneously that I just gave out and needed to sleep. Either that or Christina Aguilera put me to sleep since she's the last thing I remember about 2006. How scary is that?

I'm burning my bayberry candle today. This little card says "This New Year's candle comes from a friend. On New Year's day, burn it down to the end. A bayberry candle burned down to the socket brings good luck to your life and money to your pocket."

Heh, we'll see now, won't we?

Digital Scrapbooking Commences

Before I forget, Happy New Year! I might not make it til Midnight so I'll say it now. I've decided to kick off the new year not with drinks and parties, but rather practical work gettng myself prepared for the new year! Starting it off right, like with a sparkling clean bathroom, a made bed, all laundry done (well, almost all) and even some painting projects completed (I LOVE spraypaint!!)

So onward -

Though I have some pinking shears, some acid free papers and other silly things, I don't have the patience or steady hand to do traditional scrapbooking. So now I'm trying my hand at digital scrapbooking.

My first project came by a bit unexpectedly - a friend of mine who shares a mutual crush with Ralph Fiennes emailed me today incredibly excited that he's got a page on MySpace. Well, if that IS his myspace page, he should be embarassed. But then I realized some of my most precious materials are from his Tony Award winning performance in Hamlet at the Belasco Theater in NYC.

I was fortunate enough to not only see it 11 (!) years ago, but got to meet him and get his autograph. So that picture, autograph and ticket stub are among my prized possessions as I'm SUCH a fan of his. Modern audiences know him, of course, as Lord Voldemort or the creepy guy in Red Dragon. I know of him from his Fat Nazi days in Schindler's List.

My next scrapbook projects are varied. The different ideas I have are:

1. U2 Popmart tour (groan, I know but I have SO much stuff!)
2. Switzerland (I have a lot of odd things actually on this)
   
3. Podere Ripucce/Tuscany (might do a movie too if I can figure out how to move videos onto my PC..I need a Mac. Stat.)
4. Toddler me in Thailand
5. Mike Bielecki & 36 Kids (a lot of material here!)
   
6. Spain
7. My mother (saccarin, but I found a lot of neat old photos)
8. My Rememberance box (this is where I'd take pictures of everything n my rememberance box and basically scrapbook it

Anyway - not too bad for a first cut at online scrapbooking.

(clicky on it to see the whole hog detail)

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead!

I'm a bit late to this, but Saddam Hussein was hung today. First I ever heard of him was when I was babysitting in Naperville, Illinois and the first Gulf War broke out. It caught me by surprise as my whole world at that time was some apple cart tort case (that is tort, not tart!) that I couldn't figure out and what the hell Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance was supposed to be about. I was a freshman in college, and ill informed. But he's dead now, done and dusted.

I went to the International Food Market and found some Turkish gum that is suspiciously like my favorite "Viagra" gum (that's what we called it anyway) that I chewed religiously in Italy.



In search of finding that picture I found this, which is infintiely more interesting..



Video: Nipple_crazy_commercial

Another One Bites The Dust

At the end of every Bulls victory (and there were sooo many), a very subtle tune was played: Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust."

In the beginning of my junior year in high school, my friend Val came rushing into our "Consumer Education" class and informed me - with her white-girl corn rows flailing - "Michael Jordan got married!!" She brought me the newspaper clipping. Michael Jordan had married Juanita Vanoy in Las Vegas, of all places. What a shock for 7:45 in the morning -- the sun had barely risen over the stalks of corn.

Sadly, in what seems more and more like a pair of bookends in every marriage, they announced their divorce. 17 years and three kids later, another marriage bites the dust.



Of course, what freaks me out even more is that it's been seventeen years since I was a junior in high school. Given I watched Little Shop Of Horrors today and was able to sing and recall just about every bit of spoken and sung script in it, it just doesn't seem like that long ago.

Postscript: To make me feel even older, I just saw an ad featuring Dan Marino flogging Nutrisystem. Good grief, I thought only old guys like Tommy LaSorda did that. Oh wait, Dan Marino IS an old guy now.

So sorry and sad

I received a concussion recently and now i have a post concussion disorder of some kind. Hence, I've gotten more 'freed' up at work but the concussion has really taken me down energy wise and so forth.

Hence, not a lot of interest in writing emails, blog entries and my normal activities. Explains the huge never ending exhaustion though I definitely attribute that in significant part to post-go-live-catharsis.

Anyway, I'll get better eventually (even newts do) but for now I'm just kinda petering out a lot.

Red Ryder BB Guns

Well Christmas has come and gone. It seems to start so early in the year but then ends so bloody fast. This year, as you know from the posts I've managed to squeek out, it's supposed to be a modest year for gift giving - no importance placed on the Red Ryder BB Gun but rather on giving and sharing with those deeply less fortunate.

I'm very pleased to report that while I did get some wonderful pressies this year, I also know that between my contributions and the ones from my friends, I raised (to my knowledge) over $600 for the Fistula Foundation and Doctors Without Borders. Not only that but another friend of mine gave gifts this year that benefit St. Jude Children's Hospital. Liz Clairborne partnered with them and so one can get a nice objet and make a contribution to a wonderful organization. She told me she thought about it in conjunction with what I was doing/campaigning for this Christmas - which is the key. Just putting out the suggestion of your Christmas gift have meaning can be contagious. Another one of my friends who is a bit more wealthy asked for Red products and got the iPod Nano Red and in turn gave me a gift card for Gap so I could buy more Red for myself.

I went to Christmas Eve service with my grandmother this year and the message is - as it often is - how Christmas gets lost in the concerns of the moment and "how" we celebrate. But, it was very rewarding to stand there and realize that did not apply to me this year. I know I can do more and I am energized and motived infinitely by the opportunities to just see and do things just a bit differently and make the world a better place.

In a video I watched, Warren Buffett told Univ. of Nebraska students that the greatest challenge their generation faces is the common knowledge and application Nuclear Technology and how to control that. I'm surprised he - or Bill Gates sitting next to him - did not have the answer to that problem: Reduce desperation in the world. I know I'm committing intellectual fraud by using Hitler as an example but Hitler came to power because the Germans were emotionally, financially and culturally desperate. Desperation is oxygen to bad decisions, following the wrong leader. It's why people sell their souls to the devil. Reduce desperation and how will the next madman come to power? Mad men need desperate people. So by sharing the wealth, even our relative wealth, is one powerful combatant. Educated, enlightened, fed people who are respected do not follow mad men. People who help people become educated, enlightened and fed are true leaders. It's the perfect system, so why does no one do it?

Anyway, in many ways this is the best Christmas I've ever had despite some obvious changes from years past. But if you can turn something ugly into something beautiful, well, who can argue with that?

So, onto the New Year! Gotta think of resolutions to break!!!!

Happy Christmas

Will be offline for a while - as I have been. But, I hope one and all have a safe and happy Christmas!

ENORMOUS thanks and hugs to all my friends who have made donations to The Fistula Foundation and Doctors Without Borders in lieu of giving gifts. You just don't know how profoundly happy that makes me!!

Once I get around to my Christmas cards (and I'll republish it here) everyone will know, but I've donated $450 to the Fistula Foundation which will take care of a woman in Ethiopia in full as describted herein:

While $450 isn't enough for one night's stay in most hospitals in the United States, it is enough for Addis Ababa Fistula Hospital to provide one woman with restorative surgery, postoperative care, and classes in health and basic literacy while she recuperates. It's even enough to provide her with a new dress and bus fare home.

My God I Love U2!

Is it a testament to my perseverence or a testament to the prolific catalog of Saturday Night Live episodes that it's taken me six freakin years to finally see the Val Kilmer hosted SNL special from December 2000. The curiousity and drought ended this morning - thanks and praise be to TiVo.

While I shan't dwell on the particulars of how I missed this the first time around, I will sum up. I was in Zurich? New York? London? the weekend of that SNL special (I suspect Zurich because I don't remember many weekends in NYC or London that year). I knew U2 would be on so I begged my sister to videotape (YES, videotape) that SNL show. I figured it'd be pretty painless for her since she likes Val Kilmer. She taped it and even let me know that U2 were very good on it. Before I flew home, I heard that it was the best live music performance on SNL and for the first time in SNL history, a musical act received a standing ovation during and after the performance. I was so excited to see it!

Now the thing to understand here is that my sister tapes TV shows and movies the way my mother took photos: Something important is going to get chopped off. Somehow, the tape fiascoed in a way I don't particularly remember but I got to see the first performance and the brilliant Horatio Sanz/Jimmy Fallon/Chris Kattan/Tracey Morgan red sweater Christmas song. So the actual performance of "Elevation" that made the normally unimpressionable NY SNL crowd rise to their feet was lost.

The show had been on Comedy Central before but like a sinister tease, it also lopped off/condensed the show to an hour rather than its normal 90 minutes and "Elevation" was a casualty of that.

But tonight I finally saw it! And at the risk of sounding like a crying, silly, panty-throwing, Bono-marry-me type girl, it was worth the wait of years. And even having seen Elevation itself performed live up close and personal a few times, this was an amazing performance. The best part was when Mr. Bono marched through the crowd, interspersing the words of Lennon: We all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun!

I managed to actually scream (and omg, here I am 34 years old) when Bono threw his arm around Val Kilmer standing offstage and totally in key and beautifully integrated, threw his voice down and sang, "Baby come on and light my fire" and returned seamlessly to Elevation.

Yes, I'm MIA on blog for weeks/days more or less and I come back with paragraphs on U2. But I'm very much involved right now in getting my offline life in order. Things are going GREAT at work and socially but I need right now to get my physical home in full order. I've made a lot of changes - thanks to a gift card given to me by my employer for our retails stores in thanks for the work and vacation I've had to give up. Though I will say, it hardly pays the debt to a life ignored for so long but it's better than nothing. I'll try to take pictures soon.

I need to dye my hair. I don't have any greys but I want darker hair.

Rightio, off to make home a better home.

I hate Macy's

So Macy's brings some sort of improvement to Marshall Fields, right? Riiiight. Before, Marshall Field's sold the Raclette Grill I have wanted FOREVER and now that they are Macy's they no longer have it. Lovely. So, now I have all this raclette cheese and no Raclette grill. And the only merchant who sells one in-store is Williams Sonoma and it's $40 more than it should be there. Target sells some very nice ones but they are all on-line only and also kind of pricey. It's a rip off - it's a pancake grill with some trays. I might try doing it using a conventional stove and a non-stick skillet but I'm SO annoyed. I wanted to have this for Christmas so I can take it to my grandmother's for Christmas Eve dinner. I thought it'd be easier than trying to cook there or try to cook here and move food over, it's also part "entertainment" and definitely better than trying to go out. It's a good little way to make sausages (Brats or Polish or Keilbasa), little gherkins and stuff. I've been hanging onto this nonsense for quite awhile now.

I just might do fondue except I have lost so many parts to my fondue pot that I probably would have to get a new one anyway in which case why not just buy the damn raclette grill.

Anyway, lots to blog about really but again, no time to get it all together. Big Christmas work party tonight and i had to have my yard re-sodded. It cost an arm and a leg but my neighbors - whose yard I'm taking a picture of today - does not mow their lawn, lets their dog piss and crap in my yard and then their neglected weeds and funk infected my yard so bad that that the entire back half and side died and overran with weeds. I could have gotten a fleet of raclette grills for what this is costing me, not to mention the incessant spraying that I will have to have done to keep their weeds from infecting the new lawn. The upshot is, they guarantee this sod for life. Hopefully for my life and not the life of the grass, lol.

Oh I wish I bought a condo instead.

So, plenty to write about my St. Augustine trip. I might be going back up there soon to pick up some things that I got a rain check on (such amazing deals - 40-50% off CLEARANCE and sale prices!). What a great weekend city, so much nicer than I remembered it to be. The best part was because it was so cold it had this great wood-burning smell to it. I felt like I was in some odd blend of a Spanish British city. Which..I was.

Anyway - more later. Too much to do today..

Quote this famous Christmas dude:







BUSY BUSY BUSY!

Not fallen off the face of the earth

..just been atrociously busy w/ work and then an un-plugged holiday. I'll catch up soon.





But in the meantime, here are two priceless pictures that might say more of American than any journal or editorial.





I call these, American As Seen From A Bubble Gum Machine
(Click on picture to see them in full U.S. Of A. Glory!)

Hee Haw Redux:

Freedom of Choice:

Looks like we made it!

It feels like a dream, but.......we had an ENORMOUSLY successful launch yesterday. After hours and hours of consecutive work the team walked into Mission Control Wednesday morning - some wearing the same clothes as the day before (me), not one nice hairdo, an nary a face shaved.

My hands shook violently at 11am as I sent the Green Light email out to the user community to log in and get going. Once the users were in and logging in, I walked away, went into an empty office and bawled my fool head off. I felt the weight of the world flying off my shoulders as I realized no matter what was coming ahead, this excessively long and arduous chapter in my life was over. Even Matt and I were cheerful and chatting, after a very tense and stubborn few days.

I realized last night that my team is going to slowly disband. They will go to other projects and other priorities. We will all move on, one by one as our contributions become less neccessary. I wonder if I will miss this and I wonder what I'll be glad to see go.

Anyway, I'm rambling but the years of work have paid off. The users are happy and I'm ready to MOVE ON!!!

Exhaustion..is an understatement

Been working execessive hours. Last night I got so tired I realized I was not fit to drive. I had started the day with a migraine and continued to push through til nearly 1am. I knew I couldn't drive since I couldn't even keep my words straight (I'd reverse everything).

So I ended up having to go to a hotel downtown and it turned out to be quite nice. In fact, I have one of the best hotel rooms I've ever had in my travels which is high praise. I wish I had brought my camera but you can get an idea if you click this link to the hotel virtual tour.

This room has brushed silver accents with heavy deep purple velvet drapes, crackled gold sheers and another purple velvet accent: a chaise lounge. The beds are the now fairly standard "Heavenly Bed" set up with layers of blankets, comforters and a garden of pillows all dressed in a classic satin pinstriped egyptian cotton sheets. It looks like a fluffy cloud. The headboard is a tall leather affair with buttons - it's hard to explain but gives height to the room. Aside from the dramatic colors from the drapes and chaise, the rest of the room is in shades of taupe, chocolate brown and mahogany woodwork. The lamps are retro modern with basic brushed silver base for the most part but there's one unique lamp in hot pink. Three is real and unique artwork on the walls depicting some southern spanish art (judging by the historical senorita gear one is wearing and the northern african looking fellow in the 'pair' of the picture). Small touches are nice, like notices to the guest that are in picture frames. It's amazing how a picture frame on a desk adds an unexpected layer of cosiness. The Bose wave radio on the night stand adds yet another layer of homey-ness so a nice full stereo sound can be enjoyed rather than the tinny alarm clock radio most hotels provide.

The bathroom is quite nice with one of those arc curtain rods and the white brick tile in the tub. The standard coffeemaker is there but stocked with Starbucks, which I'm enjoying as we speak!! The free soaps and amenities are Gilchrist & Soames, which is funny because one of those names is the last name of a terror at work! But, I also found a smile of familiarity - I haven't seen Gilchrist & Soames at a hotel since I was at the Berkshire on Oxford St in London. The Berkshire, incidentally, has been remodeled and looks a lot like this hotel.

Bohemian is the theme and it lives up to its name. I am finding the silver lining in exhaustion and my breakfast is set to arrive in ten minutes for me to enjoy. I plan to turn off the news, put on the Bose wave, sit on the chaise and enjoy the view from my chair. I want a small parcel of quiet...for the users arrive in the system today.

We have...lift off!!!