The Invisible Scarlet Letter

I'm not a Catholic, nor do I play one on TV. I could be a Catholic by Osmosis if only because I a) grew up in Chicago and b) virtually all of my closest, oldest friends are Catholic. My friendship base is predominantly Italian Catholic and Polish Catholic, I've been to CCD class (I had to go with my friend while her mother was taking care of me and my sister while my dad was in the hospital), one of my best friends teaches CCD and all are fairly involved in the Catholic church and its teachings.

I say this because I don't want it to be construed that I am passing judgement on the Catholic faith because I dare not pass judgement. What I am about to say is an expression of observation, concern, confusion and hopefully misunderstanding.

I have three girlfriends, all of whom have at least contemplated an adulterous affair. Two are devout Catholic and those are the two who have engaged in adultery. Because I rarely attend church and have my own views on faith that I might be seen by my less close friends as fairly godless, soulless, amoral or whatever so perhaps they think that I would put a stamp of irrelevant acceptance on adultery. This journal entry is not about me, however, but I will say that they could not be more incorrect.

Here is the observation. Both that are in an adulterous affair are not married themselves but divorced. Their partners are married and have children at home. Many people who are not catholic say that the reason Catholics cheat is because they go and get forgiven at confession. That may be true, least of all because you ask for forgiveness with the intent and committment to not do it again. But it's my observation that leads me to believe they are cheating because they broke a sacrament when they got divorced so why not do whatever you want?

I've heard this from divorced Catholic women many times - they can't receive communion once they are divorced. Murderers can receive communion. The only way they can is to get an annulment which costs money (a revenue source for the Church) and most won't do that if they have children resultant from that marriage. So during Mass, everyone gets up for communion including their own children, but they must sit there and have everyone wonder what sacrament they broke. This is your parish and your neighbors swarming around you, and you must sit there with this invisible Scarlet Letter contemplating your decision that parked your butt on that pew.

The inability to divorce in the Catholic church has turned out an interesting breed of women who will continue to "sin" because they have nothing to lose anymore. If my friends could divorce, I suspect they would not be having affairs because in all other respects of their life they are "good Catholics" and would not spread their sadness into other people's marriages.

I wonder, without judgement, but rather with sadness when their heads are bowed in prayer at Mass..what do they pray for?