A Passage

My dear, life rarely gives us what we want at the moment we consider appropriate. Adventures do occur, but not punctually. -Passage To India

If I do amaze myself, I am always in awe of how I find a quote - within one or two tries - that adquately sums up what I'm experiencing or just pensive about. Today is a day for looking back at the past few months and just acknowledging how far I've come in such a short period of time. I think about everything I wanted so much this time last month or the month before and I realize that not only has my perspective changed, so have my needs, my desires and goals.

I think about how quickly I've become effective at work, how my sense of humor has returned and I have a bit of giddiness that I haven't experienced. The joy at looking back I have now is that all those things have been self-generated and not in anyway attributable to any one but myself.

I've got another user meeting coming up in two weeks. The last user meeting, I had the same bounce and glow about me but it was a joy that was contingent, and therefore more vulnerable than a snowflake in hell. Today one of the guys sitting next to me tried to take a picture of me with his camera phone. I refused and protested. I didn't even realize anyone noticed this but then a guy across the table said, "Why do you hate getting your picture taken so much?" And he proceeded to remind me that I had gone apesh-- at the last user meeting when he was trying to take pictures of me for ridiculous purposes (to put it up on the big screen). I ended up conducting part of the test crouched behind the podium with the only visible part of me being my right hand to move the mouse. He was very nice - he said I should get my picture taken because I'm very beautiful, which made me feel very good. Aside from a very nice compliment, I just enjoyed the luncheon, laughed a lot and really felt very alive. But this was not at all like the last time. I felt very happy to be myself, be available to the people and friends around me.

By no coincidence I had a wonderful workout this morning and got a lot accomplished at the office, meeting wonderful friends tonight - so there's nothing to be upset or sad about. But again, when I stop to think about the hopes and dreams I had from many months ago and how far I've traveled away from them I'm amazed at the resiliency and adaptability of the human spirit.

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I am very proud of what I've accomplished up to this very day and I want to celebrate it.