Cut and Run

Today is one of those days where you just want to cut and run. I wake up still sick, still having respiratory issues. I get stuck in a massive traffic jam and then get myself into a worse traffic jam trying to avoid the other one. Then I get to work and have to deal with the most naive and sadly malicious troll in our Treasury Dept. He's sadly malicious because I think I'm supposed to feel his wrath but it actually feels like a ticklefeather he's so lame. Then I feel the pressure more than ever of building a system that will not only be progressive for a Fortune 500 company but now must consider its scaleabity to a top tier company. I spend the day trying to get people I always enjoy working with to spend time with me on new systems designs and they won't because they are embedded in the day to day.

I want to stand in the middle of the room and scream that I CANNOT put a system in like this BY MYSELF. It's utterly, utterly ludicrous to think I can but I cannot get the help I need and although I had an otherwise non-present boss, I at least had someone to be the heavy when I needed it. I feel more alone than ever in this monumental task and I don't need this level of stress. I'm frustrated to no end and I feel like if no one else cares, then why should I? Then a round of layoffs occur (that has nothing to do with any merger or buyout) that leaves people weeping and horrible looks to ME like I had something to do with it. So I spent the afternoon counseling people. Then it's implied to me I don't need to be at an all-hands meeting tomorrow because I'm not really involved in the department which is, excuse me, a fucking joke. I wanted to be there, I asked to be excused from a critical development meeting so I could be there and then it's as if my presence is completely optional and uneccessary. They are going to be talking about the system I'm implmenting reducing headcount and they don't think I need to be there?! NO one presenting tomorrow knows jack about what we're doing because no one comes to the design meetings!!! So HOW will they even know?

Personally, things stink and I want to shove that off too and throw the towel in because, frankly, it's just another source of grief for me.

This has been, literally, the worst day and I'm going to bed very shortly so this blasted day can end.